Dastardly Diabetes

I think that there are so many misconceptions about diabetes out there that it just makes me want to scream. It's not that I think people who have no reason to be educated about it should just know it all, but I do wish people would f***ing stop acting like one day I sat down, ate a bunch of candy and then got a disease! That's like saying you can catch breast cancer ok?

I grew up in a family of diabetics. It genetically runs in my family on my mother's side and both her parents had it. So it's a double whammy. I didn't eat a lot of sweets growing up, not candy much at all. I don't even really like most candy. I don't like a lot of really sweet things - I just didn't have it growing up. It doesn't have anything to do with it really.

Genetics is the #1 hit against someone getting diabetes, bar none. Other factors can include weight for Type 2 diabetics, and of course put the 2 together and there ya go.

Then there's a whole other monster and that is diabetes while pregnant. You don't get it from sugar, sure it's not the most helpful diet, lol, but you don't really make yourself get it. Pregnancy is a naturally insulin inhibiting condition, which is why everyone gets checked for it, not just people who have a risk for diabetes, not just "fat" people... everyone. Pregnancy creates the risk. Insulin is a hormone, and just like all the other hormones that can go wacky while prego, insulin is one of them.

So the high and low blood sugars while pregnant are almost like mood swings for your pancreas.

Now the other myth is that diabetes means you can't have sweets and that's all it entails. Ahh that it were so easy....

Glucose (sugar) is the thing that keeps you alive. Without blood sugar levels properly managed by your body, you die. The glucose is the source of all energy in your body. All foods you eat get broken down into glucose in your blood. Carbohydrates (not just "simple sugar") are what really contribute to the energy your body needs to function. This is why Atkins is 10000% crap and sure you lose weight, but you can't live on that forever, you just can't. So what's a diabetic to do about bread, rice, pasta, chips, crackers, fruit, juice, milk, cereal, grains, etc? Not eat? Again, it's carbs that raise your blood sugar, not "sugar" only. Sugar is what's considered a fast-acting carbohydrate. And there is even a place for that (a small amount usually) in most managed diabetics' lives.

Anyway, I'm off track....

So a non-diabetic eats - the body uses insulin to get the glucose into the cells for energy. Insulin is the key that unlocks the cells to use the energy.

A diabetic eats - the key (insulin) either doesn't work, or it doesn't work well. Or the pancreas doesn't work at all thus no insulin is naturally produced by the body at all (this is usually type 1 diabetes, but can be type 2 in some cases). So all the glucose stays in the blood stream instead of getting into the cells to give the body fuel.

Also, the liver is what produces sugar ... so if you're in a jam and haven't eaten, your body usually gives you a pick-me-up courtesy of the liver so you can move on and eat soon. In a diabetic, the liver and pancreas are like speaking different languages and they don't work well with each other. So insulin can be over-produced and make your blood sugar crash, and a quick boost of sugars is needed in order to keep you alive.

Diabetes isn't just "high blood sugar" ... it's a combo of hyper and hypo glycemia depending on the moment.

So, as with many things, it's a delicate balance. And the doctor has to help a diabetes patient find trends in the glucose readings (blood sugar levels) and treat them accordingly.

Now about me - I got diagnosed with type 2 diabetes when I weighed about 300 lbs in 2003. I had gained a lot of weight from 2 medications I was on. One of which (birth control) is not really supposed to be used by people with diabetes so you should get tested before taking it because it can bring it on. My doc, back when Nick and I got married, (I dumped the doc for being an ass long long ago) never tested me and just gave me the pills. So I keep being sick all - the - time... I mean ALL THE TIME. I am surprised I never got fired from the job I have now... I was nauseous, throwing up, dizzy, confused, sometimes shaking, etc. All high and low blood sugar and never knowing it until later.

Did I eat a lot of "sugar"? No, because I knew it ran in my family, and I wanted to be smart about it. But, I was on the pill, and because I felt sick a lot, I ate lots of bread and stuff like that. Plus to be healthy I ate plenty of fruit... which is actually not good for a diabetic, but I didn't really realize back then, plus, to my knowledge, I wasn't diabetic. So I was walking around with elevated blood sugar levels most of the time and it was all unchecked.

So when I was diagnosed in 2003 I changed my diet immediately. I did not want to be on pills or insulin. I also did not want to live in denial and end up having all the high blood sugar effects later in life (neuropathy, blindness, losing limbs, stroke, high blood pressure, etc, etc). So within that first year, I lost 100 lbs. I went from a size 28 to a size 14/16 (depending on the cut of what I was wearing). I also had reversed my diabetes to non-diabetic blood sugar levels. Being young and also very devoted to changing my diet to accomodate my body's shortcomings I was receptive to that kind of treatment.

That's when I got prenant with Aidan - last 1/4 of of 2004.

Since I had changed the way my body was working so much, I even passed all my glucose tests in my pregnancy until the last 7 or 8 weeks or so. Then I had to do insulin for that time, but it wasn't so bad.

Then as soon as Aidan came out, I was golden and right back on track. Except I didn't lose the weight well and that gave me a bad setup for this pregnancy. Plus, additional pregnancies for diabetics are usually just that way.

So high blood sugar is actually what led me to think I was pregnant this time. Normally I could eat a piece of candy here and there (like a jelly bean or few in my boss' office or something) while in a meeting or whatever. But one day I remember doing that and getting REALLY sick. Whoa high blood sugar. Then the next couple of weeks my sugars were high for no reason. Prego test was positive and I got an express pass to be on insulin right away. I didn't bring on the diabetes from jelly beans, lol... my sugars went up because already being diabetic I was sensitive to the fact that I was now pregnant and the sugars just spiked as soon as I conceived.

Fast forward to now and I am at the doc weekly to monitor and adjust my insulin doses. Anything can make it change... my body can just decide it's going to work properly and make insulin (which can make me have low blood sugar because I am also injecting insulin). That can happen once, or it can be for a week or two. On the flip side, I can get a cold, which raises your blood sugar (any illness - especially a virus will) and my scale will have to go up. It's like when someone has cancer - they see what the cancer will respond to... just chemo? Or chemo and radiation? Or all that before and after surgery? etc.... That's what we are doing with me... what will the imbalance respond to and when and how, and how much, etc...

So there are way too many factors involved to sit here and tell me "oh wow, man you better get right on top of that Anna" or, "you shouldn't let your blood sugar get so low" or whatever. I have had a few people tell me that I should lay off carbohydrates... um then I take insulin when I eat and have low blood sugar - dangerously low. I don't know why people think that they know things and then judge you. They've also said some rude things about my doc... seriously, where else do you have a doc who will sit for 45 min with you going over every concern and doubt and blood sugar reading and just make sure you're ok and do their best to treat your symptoms properly? My doc is WONDERFUL and I would be so sad without her help.

I also had someone tell me it's because I'm fat. Ok, you tell that to all the skinny people who are at the doc for diabetes. Should I just go on a fad diet while pregnant? Is that the idea? I am sure that will be good for my baby.

I just don't know where people get off acting like I am some kind of moron with this. My doc keeps telling me, don't listen to anyone, you're my best patient, but it still hurts ya know?

So I was crying at the doc today because I have just been discouraged, and that low low blood sugar that sent me to the hospital was scary. The doc was so great about it and made sure I was A-OK before leaving. She also consulted with my other endocrinologist (yes I have 2 actually - one is a supervising doc I see once a month, and the other is the one I see every week). The supervising doc is like the top in his field in this region of the US and I think has also done a lot nationally. He is part of the cutting edge research for diabetes and helps so many people live better lives. Even 15 to 20 years ago diabetes treatment was a joke and all the myths ran the whole shebang. It's because of docs like this that people with diabetes who are my age and manage it from the get-go just may not die from the disease later. I am really in tail end of the first generation of people who can say that.

I am determined to stay positive and be committed to beating all that can be beaten with this.

I had to write all this down to remember that I am doing all I can, I am taking excellent care of myself. I can't let people get me down or shape how I feel about myself.

If you are still reading this, bless you, hahahaha.

Here's hoping the next time I have to bust out candy in public I don't get all the "wow that fat girl just can't wait to eat her candy can she" looks. Yah people are mean and strangers have said stuff to me in public. To all the a**holes out there who have no clue.... kiss off.

And to my friends reading this, thank you for caring and for not judging me on here. You guys rock and it's nice to know someone is out there sometimes ya know?

I thought this post would make more sense, but I don't know if it does, lol.

Off to make lunch, have a good day all!! :)